My week has been completely fucked. I apologize for my use of language (that is a lie, because I really don’t care) but the universe is clearly trying to tell me something – so I would like to tell the universe
I AM LISTENING DAMN IT – GET ON WITH IT.
In some senses it has been a great week. After all, America has our first black president – big step America, good on ya. I had almost lost hope for us and I promise I won’t move to Canada yet.
As for the rest of my week, I’ll just use this morning as an example:
I woke up at my boyfriend’s house with my phone beeping because my battery was low. Keep in mind that this is a new phone, so I didn’t realize one evening without a charge would cause the battery to die. I’m definitely not complaining about the phone, as it is awesome in so many other ways (and was free), I’m just pointing out that I didn’t realize it would be dead. But no worries, I have a car charger. I’ll charge that puppy on my way to work.
I get in my car to head to work and charge my phone and my phone won’t charge – I was upset with myself for not calling that. It’s like the 2 outer on the river – sfobv.
When I was about five minutes away from work, I decided to take another swig out of my coffee cup (this wasn’t my first swig) and for some reason my mug had decided to spontaneously dislodge the lid from the top of the cup and my entire coffee spilled straight into my lap. Not a drip folks, the entire cup.
It was clear I was going to have to keep driving and head home to change, but alas, my phone was dead and I couldn’t call my work to let them know. Of course this all happens the same week that my boss sends out an email to our group reminding us that if we are going to be more than 20 minutes late he wants to be notified. My brain immediately starts thinking of ways to let my co-workers know I’ll be late, I could call David and he can email them for me etc… but it evidently hadn’t settled in that my phone was not an option and that while in a car my telepathy powers aren’t as strong.
I get home and change my pants and undergarments (that were also soaked), grab my phone charger and shoot my work an email:
I wanted to let you all know that I’ll be in a bit late today. My coffee mug decided to accost my jeans in the car this morning and I had to turn around and change.
I’ll be in in a few.
Thanks
I realize me emailing might make it look like a bad lie, but at this point I really don’t care. My whole week has been a series of unfortunate events – I’m still waiting for the lachrymose leeches to attack.
Update: I just reached in my purse to get out a piece of gum – it’s my last piece and I work a 10 hour day. Those of you who know me know this is a big deal – almost worse than leeches.