First, if you don’t know why I would put the @ symbol in front of amyinohio - then you need to go sign up on twitter and get with the program.  You can start by following me, @teelea and the portfolio show at my school @SCCportfolio.

Now for the other stuff…

I’ve had multiple requests for some more descriptive info on the Master Cleanse.  Until now, I was handing the information out via email because it is a little, shall we say, not fit for blogging IMO.

As I tell my boyfriend, “There are certain things you should just never see me do.” - I feel the same closeness towards you, my dear readers.  There are just certain things I would never tell you about - some of the details in this information would be one of them.

So, the following is the same email I sent to my friends - whom I love.   Enjoy and read at your own risk!

Ingredients
Lemons – preferably organic lemons

• You will need approx 4 per day and if you are buying organic I would only buy 3-4 days worth at a time.  If you are buying regular, I still wouldn’t buy more than about 6 days worth at a time.
• If the lemons are small you could need more

Maple Syrup – and not aunt jemima

• You need the REAL stuff and it’s not cheap
• You will be using 3/4c to 1c of this per day (I went thru 3 good size bottles during my cleanse)
• You are supposed to use Grade B syrup, but I could never find any so I used Grade A (which they say is the next best alternative.

• If you are really on a budget you can use Agala (pure cane syrup) but I wouldn’t recommend it.  I used it at first and it is pretty nasty.

Cayenne Pepper – preferably organic

• One of the tiny containers is plenty since you only use this in small amounts

PURIFIED WATER

• this is a must, tap water is FULL of chemicals and the cleanse will not cleanse anything unless you use   real purified water.

What to buy

• 3 1 liter Aquafina bottles to reuse every day (you may need more if you choose to drink more)
• 3-4 of the big square jugs of water you can get at any store
• 2 kinds of ORGANIC PURE HERBAL DECAF TEA  - buy one just for enjoying (any type you prefer as long as it is 100% herbal and caffeine free) and one that is a laxative tea.  I’ve actually seen the laxative tea I used in the organic section of Kroger   (Yogi  Tea)
• Sea Salt – organic or all natural sea salt which you will use every morning for a salt water flush (and it isn’t fun)

And that’s it!   All the ingredients for the next 10 days of food!!

How to start

The night before you start the cleanse you drink your laxative tea.  In the morning you take your first salt water flush.  A salt water flush consists of 1 liter of water and 1 tablespoon of sea salt mixed together and chugged in one sitting.

BE WARNED when you drink this you need to be home, near a bathroom for approximately TWO HOURS.  If this is not possible for you to do in the mornings, then do it each evening instead.

I found it easier to do it in the mornings, I thought the salt water was hard to drink in the evenings, but you may have different results.  Regardless, once you have your first movement, the last one will come about an hour later.  This is just an internal enema.

The mixture for the lemonade:

1 liter of water

1/3c FRESH squeezed lemon juice (typically the juice of two lemons)

1/3c Maple syrup

1/8teaspoon cayenne pepper

YOU MUST DRINK AT LEAST TWO OF THESE A DAY and at least one liter of water along with it!!  So prepare two when you make them.  I would advise adding the cayenne right before you start drinking it – because the longer it sets, the hotter it gets.

You can have as much of the lemonade, water and herbal tea that you want.  Every night you should drink the laxative tea and every morning you should do the SWF.

You can choose not to do the SWF’s – but if you do this, you have to do the laxative tea in the mornings and evenings instead.  The downside to this is that you do not know when your bowel movements will come, w hen you do the SWF they are very predictable.

Coming off the cleanse

It is highly suggested that you drink an all liquid diet the following 2 days after the cleanse.  So don’t think this is over in 10 days.  For the first two days after you should be drinking fresh squeezed OJ and vegetable broths - Days 3 and 4 after you should be eating small amounts of fruits and veggies only.  From there on you can introduce foods as you feel comfortable, but be cautious, especially with meats.

Although these are the instructions for doing the cleanse, there is a lot more to it than losing weight – not eating for 14 days is no easy feat and it takes more motivation that losing a few pounds.  I would highly recommend you reading the book The Complete Master Cleanse: A Step-by-Step Guide to Maximizing the Benefits of The Lemonade Diet.  There are also LOTS of resources online if you search for the master cleanse.
I ordered the book the day before I started the cleanse and got it on the 3rd day.  I’m so glad I did.  It really helps you understand what your body is going through and I don’t think I could have done the cleanse without it.
Good luck!  Let me know how you do.

Were on a whole, pretty uneventful.  I was hoping to have some sort of epiphany that never seemed to happen.  It was more of a “Oh, it’s the 8th day, almost done now, la ti da” kind of attitude.

On day 10 I was excited to want to eat without feeling guilty about wanting it.  I had planned from the beginning to start coming off the cleanse on day 10 because of prior commitments.

I struggled the whole way, but in the end I felt rejuvenated and strong.  I had also lost 13 lbs - which was awesome as well.

The weird part?  I want to go back on it.  There is something about the ease of it, the forethought, the predictability -  that made it all so simple.  It was a welcomed change in my chaotic world.

Now back to regularly scheduled programming.

Day 5 was indeed, easy.  If you compare it to the days prior and days to follow.  I had no cravings or hunger, I wasn’t tired or cold.  I was clear headed, felt strong and light, no headaches and was very productive that day.

Unfortunately, day 5 was over much too quickly.

Day 6 I woke up hungry.  Not wanting food, hungry.  I went through my SWF as quickly as I could so that I could get to my drink - drank the lemonade while I worked out instead of water.  I felt better, but I continued to feel hungry throughout the day.  I could have had all my lemonade gone by around 2-3 pm, and it is usually a chore to have it gone by 6pm.  I purposely saved a big gulp for when I would have to make my girls dinner.  I licked my fingers more than once while making them dinner, no food on them, just flavor - it was pathetic.  By the end of the night I had given in and ate 4 pieces of their popcorn.  It was delicious, but made my mouth feel weird.

I woke up this morning and instead of feeling hungry, I feel deprived.  At this point I feel as if I am only continuing because I have come this far.  What’s the point of getting to day 7 and not going to day 10?  There is no accomplishment in that.  I feel I deserve some accomplishment by now - so no quitting for me - despite certain people’s less than encouraging words.`

My work and school are closed today, which make this a tad bit harder - but I’m always up for a challenge!  Come on day 7!

Day 2 - was pretty rosey.  I felt good, I wasn’t hungry but I did get a tinge of a headache near the end of the day.  Nothing worth puking over though.  I also started to notice some side effects:

• being cold - I tend to be a pretty warm blooded person, one of those people who likes the house at 68 degrees in the winter because I don’t get cold easily.  But now, I’m going to bed fully clothed and bundled under blankets and wearing layers during the day (more than usual).

• exhaustion - I am so fraking tired.  I don’t attribute this to lack of food since I am not hungry.  I’m pretty sure that if my body needed something it knew it could get from food right now, it would let me know.   I think it’s because my body is used to being kept alert and awake by artificial means and it is trying to learn to do so without those means.  But then again, maybe the lemonade is brainwashing me to think like a hippie.  Who knows.

Day 3 - HOLY FRAK  it’s hard not to eat on a weekend.  Everything you do revolves around food.  I should spend my weekends covered in my studies, but alas, I have a family and friends that always seem to need my attention (damn kids) so I do spend a lot of my weekends moving about doing things with a number of people.  Saturday morning my boyfriend is over, so I make him breakfast and my kids breakfast.  After tae kwon do for Anna the girls are “starving” so I stop and grab them some lunch on the way to bowling with my friend Heather.  Heather and her kids are, of course, “starving” and order a pizza, nachos and a pitcher of soda at the bowling alley.  I go to visit my mom and dad after bowling thank goodness they aren’t “starving”!!  But, my mom decides its a good time to start cleaning off the DVR - of course the DVR is filled with food network shows…

Then I had to go grocery shopping.  This didn’t bother me too much since I had my list planned and only bought what was on the list - food for my kids and more supplies for my cleanse.  Of course by the time we got thru shopping, it was dinner time for my boyfriend.  I was priviledged enough to sit and drink my herbal tea while they grilled hamburgers and made beef nachos.

By the end of Day 3 I wanted to eat so bad.  I actually had what I was going to eat planned out, not actually to eat it, but planning it made me feel better.  I wasn’t hungry - I wanted TO EAT.  There is a difference, and I think that is one of the major points of the cleanse - to be able to identify the difference between hunger and wanting to eat.

Alas, I did not eat.  Although, I did suck on an almond, one almond, and then proceed to chew it and swallow it.  It was an awesome almond.

Day 4 - I’m still tired.  My body is feeling stronger, my chills are diminishing, I’m still not hungry.  I had a lot to do on this day, staying busy helps as long as you have your drink prepared to go with you.  By about 4pm I got a bit grouchy - after a few deep breaths I felt much better.  5pm began family night, a fun filled evening full of food.  Once again, I armed myself with my herbal tea and watched the food be prepared and consumed.

The surprise: it didn’t bother me one bit.

I finished my tea then went downstairs to finish up my homework to get my kids ready for bed.  I do feel ready to sleep, but the exhaustion is still fading.

Before bed I read thru some chapters of the master cleanse book for a little encouragement.

Today it’s back to the grind of work and school, so I am anticipating an easy day.  When I woke up I felt good, awake and fulfilled.  I had a great yoga session (although it wasn’t long enough) and I’m ready for my day 5.  They say today or tomorrow the cleanse becomes easy… we will see what the definition of “easy” is shortly.

It is official - I have completely lost my mind.

Somehow I thought it would be a good idea to quit eating for 10 days.  OK, so maybe it wasn’t such a crazy idea considering how sick I have been the past two months.

I started to do some research on diets that could possibly make me feel better.  By “diets” I don’t mean the kind to help you lose weight, I mean the true definition of the word - a certain selection of foods.  The first things to pop up were all raw diets.  Lucky me, I know an expert on the subject and immediately contacted her.

My cousin, Joy, is a minister of the Light (ya I love her, but idkwtf that is either) - she has eaten an all raw diet for many years now and sings it’s praises.  So, I consulted Joy and more of the internets and they both agreed.  A master cleanse was the way to go.

I had fully intended on delaying this course of action as long as possible using my move as a good excuse not to do it (ya I’m moving again, the burbs couldn’t handle me).  But alas, my body had other plans.

So Wednesday night I went out and bought the ingredients that would be my sustenance for the next 10 days:

Water - a big square thing of it (what are those things called anyhow?) and 3 - 1 liter bottles

Lemons - I bought 9 cause they were 3 for a buck.  I should have bought more

Syrup - you need the all natural maple syrup, not Aunt Jemima. (I actually bought agala? since it was so much cheaper)

Cayenne Pepper - I’m still trying to find someone that says I can skip this part.

Day 1 -

SUCCCKKKKEEEDDD - no lie.  Don’t listen to all these people that say the adrenaline of starting something new gets you through the day.  Do you know how long its been since your body went without food??  Do you  know what’s in that food?? DRUGS.  Caffeine, all sorts of chemicals - your body has taught itself to function on these drugs.

I would highly suggest that if you try this to do it on a day when you can nap.  I felt desperately exhausted yesterday morning by 9am.  Had I taken a nap then (which as my friend Jess knows I was conjuring up a plan to leave school and skip over to the bf’s house for a nap) I wouldn’t have had issues the rest of the day.  But  no, I decided to be responsible.  Bad idea.

By 10am the headache started to kick in.  You know, the annoying little headache you get when you don’t get your morning coffee?  So I knew it was from the caffeine withdrawal.  What I didn’ t know is that it was going to get worse.

The headache continued and by 6pm I was almost non functional.  I shouldn’t have been driving, but I picked up my chickens, some dinner for them and went home - immediately landing on my bed and not moving till 5am the next morning.  I woke up occasionally to the sound of two little girls laughing and made sure they got in bed - but thank goodness my kids don’t need me to do things like wipe asses, brush teeth and put on jammies.

Anyhow, this morning is much better.  I still don’t feel hungry, the headache is gone.  I came prepared for my 10 hour day at work with extra water and all herbal decaf green tea (which is allowed).

One thing I can’t deal with is the bad breath - so I will continue to chew half pieces of gum to keep myself from puking.

Tomorrow day 2 - and if you’re lucky, I’ll tell you about my SWF (and no, thats not a small web file or single white female.)

I started back to school yesterday, my schedule is as follows:

Not too bad, the hardest part will be making an awesome flash final from last quarter. I’m also sitting in on my professors class from 4-4:45 on Tues/Thurs until I’m done. I would also like to find something to replace that online English class, as I think it will suck balls. NTTAWWT. The beginning self defense class on Saturdays is actually Judo/Jiujitsu. I am pretty excited about taking it, but considering the news that is coming next in this blog post, I may have to drop that class.

I GOT A JOB!!!

Now, calm down. It isn’t a spectacular job, or a job even remotely close to what I want to do. But, the pay is good, and the hours are MWF, and allow me to still take my kids to school in the morning. So, I took it. I will be your friendly neighborhood dental office receptionist. Right in the middle of the ghetto. At least I’ll have no shortage of hook up offers.

The only catch to the job is that my BFF since the 6th grade not only will be working with me, but she will be my boss! (see pics from previous post, that is whom I speak of) I think it will be a good time. Heather and I respect each other enough to know the boundaries… I THINK.

Thursday night I’m off on an over night field trip with Maya to the Indianapolis Zoo. We are sleeping over night in the dolphin habitat, and I’m not gonna lie, mama is excited. There isn’t much better than re-living your childhood thru your children! (ya I know, stfu)

I’ve been wanting to add on to this photo all month and keep forgetting. I’ve only lost 10-15lbs since my last pic, but I wanted to do one last update until July 1st. Holler.

This picture is titled, “Where, O Where, Have My Boobles Gone”.

That is such a great word, IS. IT. NOT?! I hardly think any of you are prepared to argue that point with me at all.

So, I shall proceed.

I was at my sister’s Friday night and my BFF, Heather, stopped by for dinner. She and I were discussing some of my “dates” as of late, and my brother-in-law seemed a bit shocked, so I thought I’d get it out there as not to shock anymore people.

I’m still “married”, and I’m “seeing” other people. I use the terms in quotage lightly, just sayin’.

There, ya have it.

Next on the agenda, my fat ass.

February was a slow month for me, but I didn’t gain any weight, so I’m glad about that. No steps backward = I’m still going forward. So, this month I am starting my journey to shedding my final poundages. By July 1st (the day I started in 2007) I want to be ~35lbs lighter than I am now, which would put me at a total weight loss of ~100lbs.

HOLY MCFUCKLESONS. Put your hatorade away.

Notice I am giving myself plenty of time to accomplish this, because I realize these last pounds (especially that last 10) are most likely gonna be a big ass bitch. Holler. And don’t worry Sheila, ass soon as my jeans I have now don’t fit, I’ll be placing my custom couture order

Next on the agenda, finding someone to pay for my boob job. Wanna make another bet Sheila???

Oh and PS - School is putting a big butt kickin’ on me this quarter. I’m all bruised up, but if I ever have anything good to tell, you will be the first to know.

~I start school Tuesday, and both my girls go back tomorrow. Anna is going FULL TIME THIS QUARTER!

But it won’t allow me to rest because I have a lot I need to accomplish by the end of the month. I actually lightened my load with school a bit so I could concentrate on finding a job. The only interesting classes I’m taking this quarter are Web Design II (Flash) and Web Authoring. Other than that I’m taking a MATH class (EEEK), Pilates and Yoga.

~I have to take some antibiotics for 7 days and I CAN’T DRINK while I’m taking them. Normally I might try and see how I do with it, but both my Doc and my Pharm told me not to, and that I’d get really sick. T likey her drinky!! And the OSU v LSU game is tomorrow!!

RIP jagerbomber… it was real.

~I had a decent NYE… it was pretty uneventful because I had just driven home from Sheila’s that day. A friend of mine needed a partner in crime and convinced me to go to the Nasty Nati with her. I wasn’t excited about driving on NYE, and decided to be the sober one. I’m such a wonderful friend!!

So ya, that was a blast. Everyone got home safe tho, that’s what matters… right?

~I’m pluggin along in my bet w zooks. Last week I weighed (new years day) and I had lost 6lbs making a total weight loss for me of 53lbs. FIFTY THREE. That’s insane. And my lawd I was so enormous I still have weight to lose!!! HOLLA!

The best part about our bet is it really did keep me in line for the holidays. I didn’t have thoughts like “OH, It’s Christmas, go ahead and eat 10 pieces of fudge”, not that I really wanted to, but I didn’t have the thoughts either.

Here’s my updated pic:

May 28th 2007 Oct 24th 2007 Jan 6th 2008

And ya, I know I look like death warmed over but:

A) I hate those before and after pics where they look all unhappy and crappy in the before, then all smiley w make up on in the after… so I’m tryin to keep it real here.

B) You’re not supposed to be lookin’ at my face (and not those either… Jeff)

This one is just for my girls, they thought it was hilarious…

… is not an easy thing to come by. When I started this journey to lose weight, I was ready. I was sick of being someone I wasn’t. I thought that FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD, would be the hardest part to control. Strangely enough, it is the easy part.

EXERCISE, staying motivated to EXERCISE is definitely the hardest part for me. There are a lot of factors that make it so hard, and one of them is GUILT. If you miss a day, you can beat yourself up over it, and hell knows we all love to be mean to ourselves. I made a decision from the beginning that I wouldn’t fall into this trap. I decided that if I missed a day, I missed it, and I started back the next.

This has worked for me so far, and I can’t even fill up one hand with the days I should have worked out and didn’t.

Originally I stayed motivated with my bet, then I kept trying to mix things up - pilates, yoga, jogging, elliptical - then I moved on to the Turkey Trot, and now here I am again feeling bored.

So, I did the first thing I do when I’m bored, and I changed up my workout playlist, mostly I added some new digg’s and some old ones for yoga at the end of my workout.

But TODAY, I did the thing that should interest all of you–

I made a bet with ZOOKS mwhahahahahaha

First, I offered that we both try to lose a certain amount of weight by ROCCOPALOOZA. I wanted some good motivation, so I said twelve pounds, when this pussy wonderful friend of mine counters with EIGHT pounds.

We settled on TEN pounds by January 18th.

And, if one of us does not make it, they will owe the other an expensive pair of CUSTOM FIT JEANS.

THE BATTLE FOR COUTURE IS ON, BITCHES!!!

Really, I leave out so many important things when I do get around to posting… it’s sad.

BIG DAVE aka UNCLE DAVE had a birthday!! The weekend of his birthday coordinated with my last week of school, so that could have been the reason I was too pre-occupied to post about it.

Regardless, there shouldn’t be any reason for not posting a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the best brother and uncle EVAH!!

Here’s a pic of the big guy himself sporting one of his lovely gifts from his nieces. The enormous flower was accompanied by a yummy smelling candle and a pretty bell. It must be nice having THREE nieces and NO nephews.

The next even wasn’t forgotten about, I was actually waiting to post about it, and then didn’t post. My Harper turned ONE yesterday!!! We had the party on Sunday, so I was waiting to post till yesterday — but then it turned into the usual pish posh of stressfulness that is my life.

She had a GREAT party and I put together a little montage of it here if you want to have a look see.

I really can’t believe she’s one already!!! It seems like yesterday I was posting about her being born, then all of a sudden shes walking and even saying words!! Frakin’ kids, they never let ya catch up.

One of the cutest things about Harper is how she shares. No matter what she has, she is always right on top of seeing who else wants to check it out. She shared her bday cake with her TT. She loves to read too! She is always grabbing books and bringing them over to the closest person to see who will hook her up with the story first. Shes a great kid, and it has a lot to do with her great parents.

That reminds me! She’s coming over tonight! WOOOOT.

LOVE YOU HARPER LEA!!!

Ok, and last but not least… the prop bet is ovah tomorrow and I’ll go ahead and post my final count today as I think it will be accurate

-21.5 lbs

J did a great job too and the bet is a push. But it was a lot of fun. J is a very funny guy and so easy to get along with. He made it a lot of fun thru txt msgs and the like… a little ribbing and humor go a long way. Thanks for going thru it with me J. <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_2an3x6D8xR4/RtbcG3OiuzI/AAAAAAAACG0/ltQQPsthwxI/s1600-h/preFATpic.jpg">

The first is a pic of me pre weight loss in vegas — I mean I still have a long way to go (I want to lose 50 lbs more) but not a bad start.

WOOOOOT. 35% to MILFdom.